Are Certain Fashions A Sign Your Wife Is Cheating My Weight Gain After My Husband’s Affair Has Made Me Feel Even Worse About Myself And My Marriage

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My Weight Gain After My Husband’s Affair Has Made Me Feel Even Worse About Myself And My Marriage

It is very normal to scrutinize your appearance after your spouse cheats or has an affair. We wonder if we are not beautiful enough, thin enough, attractive enough or playful enough. We wonder if the other woman looks better than we do, and as a result we can be very hard on ourselves.

Worse, in the days after the affair, we often just don’t have the energy to worry about or focus on our appearance. We barely have enough energy to function, much less worry about things that are non-essential. And then we can “let ourselves go” a little at a time, where we are all too conscious of how we look.

A wife could lament: “I found out my husband had cheated on me about four months ago. I asked him to leave. I didn’t want to see him. Lately we’ve been talking but not living together. And this time the period has been very lonely and difficult for me. I often walk my dogs in the morning and just think about things. Because I don’t want to go to an empty house, I usually stop at a cafe and have a cup of coffee and Danish . I also haven’t made it to the gym in a while because I just don’t feel like being around people. As a result I’ve put on a noticeable amount of weight. This makes me feel even worse about myself . the other day my husband dropped by unannounced. I answered the door with no make-up and shabby clothes. My husband made small talk with me but then left shortly after. The look on his face made it pretty clear to me that he was shocked by my appearance. And now it all makes me feel like I’ve taken a giant step back.”

I would suggest that you be kinder to yourself. As anyone who has had a cheating husband knows, this pain is unlike any other. This is not a time when you are expected to be at your best. And fighting is absolutely understandable. More than ever, it’s important to be supportive of yourself. Calling yourself a fat pig is not consistent with this, nor is it probably accurate.

It is also very normal to look for flaws in our appearance and our personality in the hope that this will tell us everything we need to know about why our husband cheated on us. Here’s what you need to understand about it. The answers do not lie within us. They are in him. And nothing in our appearance or personality could have led to this at all. Men with beautiful, sweet and supportive wives cheat. And it has nothing to do with the wife.

So if you’re looking for a reason, look at him. Not on you. Now, if improving your appearance will make you feel better than I encourage you to do it. Getting fitter was actually very empowering for me during my recovery. And I’ve maintained this change in lifestyle because after the boost in my confidence, I’ve just noticed a huge benefit in stress reduction and an overall sense of well-being. I feel much worse physically and mentally if I don’t exercise. I want to keep these benefits and it has little to do with my marriage, but it has a lot to do with me.

And it doesn’t have to be big changes or efforts you make in the first place. You don’t have to take on anything that feels overwhelming. Maybe you just drink coffee with skimmed milk and skip the Danish. Maybe you power walk home from the coffee shop or extend your walk a bit. I found Yoga and Pilates extremely comforting during my recovery. During that time I tended to hold so much stress in my shoulders. And I found myself literally bending over and shooting. Yoga and Pilates solved this problem and strengthened my core so I had a flat stomach for the first time in years and the stress reduction benefits were huge. This made a huge difference in how I looked and felt. And I never felt like I was exhausting myself or punishing myself. It actually felt like a treat to my body. Learning to lean into my breath and breathe into my pain just released so much tension and allowed my body to relax at a time when it desperately needed this.

But if you have to make changes or improvements, do it for you – and for your own self-esteem. Do it out of love for yourself, but not out of a desire to change yourself because you think you’re not good enough or up to snuff. Because you absolutely are. If you think you could use some improvement in your fitness level, by all means go for it because there are other benefits to this than just how you look. But don’t beat yourself up or tear yourself down. None of this is your fault.

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