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Now That We’re Separated, My Husband Is Completely Ignoring Me – Why?
I sometimes hear from people who are very disappointed with their spouse’s behavior during a court case or separation. Often they have very reluctantly agreed to the separation, either because they did not feel they had a choice, or because they hope that the break will actually improve their situation. Some are very disappointed when their spouse avoids or ignores them during the separation, and they are not sure what to make of this.
I heard from a wife who said, “I’ll be honest and tell you that I never wanted a trial separation. But my husband insisted. He said he had to see for himself if he would have been happier alone, and he also said that he needed some space to sort out his feelings. So I decided to honor this request and support him. He assured me that he would be in touch semi regularly and that I had nothing to worry about about. Well, that hasn’t been the case. He hasn’t called me once since he left, and when I call him, he doesn’t call me back. I stopped by his office once at lunch, hoping that we could have lunch together but he told me he had a meeting. I had hoped he would call me later that evening but he didn’t. I feel like I’m being ignored. What does this mean? Means his ignoring me, that he lied about this whole separation business, and that he doesn’t that. have any intentions of ever coming back?” I will try to address these concerns in the following article.
Some possible reasons why it may feel like your spouse is ignoring you: There are a few common scenarios here. Below is a list of what I feel are the most common.
Your spouse feels that you are too strong or that you are not giving them the space they have asked for: Often, if you were to talk to the husband in this scenario, he would tell you that he is not really ignoring his wife. Instead, he’s just trying to get some of the time and space that she promised him, but isn’t giving him right now. Of course, the wife usually sees things completely differently. She often doesn’t think it’s too much to call or come over for lunch. In her mind they have agreed to see each other regularly and she just acts in line with this. But the spouse who wanted the separation can often be overly sensitive about their “time” and their “space.” So if you notice he’s ignoring you, ask yourself if you might be reaching out too much. Try pulling back a little and see if that doesn’t improve the situation.
He could legitimately be busy at first, but then he reacts to your own actions and backs off: Here’s something that I see happen all the time. Sometimes the spouse who initiated the separation is legitimately very busy. Sometimes they tell you the truth when they say they had a work meeting or something like that. But then the wife’s reaction to the legitimate apology is so strong that the husbands begin to distance themselves. In other words, in the above scenario, the husband could be really busy, but the wife’s panic and sudden onslaught of phone calls contributed to him becoming even more distant. Be careful not to overreact and bring this whole unwanted process into play.
He has to experiment to see what kind of reaction he can get out of you: Some people decide to allow their spouse to take the lead during the separation, or they will hang back and see what their spouse will do. And sometimes they try to shift the power a little by trying to see if they can get you to follow them. You need to look very carefully to see if this is relevant to your case and then to decide how you want to respond. If he’s just trying to get a reaction out of you, sometimes it’s best not to fall into that trap because it only leads to negative reactions and feelings.
How to deal with feeling ignored during the breakup: I know it’s very tempting to get emotional and to want him to see you and see you more. But this can be a big mistake. If you try to force it, he may withdraw even more. And he may think in his own mind that he was right to go. This is not what you want. My favorite way to handle it is to make the next communication brief. Tell him that you can see that he is busy and busy and as such you will depend on him to contact you at a better time for him. This puts the onus on him and ensures you don’t come on too strong. It also makes it a little more likely that he’s the one taking the call and stalking you, which is a better situation than the one you’re in now.
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