You are searching about Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts, today we will share with you article about Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts was compiled and edited by our team from many sources on the internet. Hope this article on the topic Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts is useful to you.
Muc lục nội dung
Spray Tanning: An Interesting and Intimate Experience!
As I’ve gotten older (and bigger) I’ve come to a conclusion: Fat looks better dark! Therefore, as summer gets closer, I get mad about wearing my shorts (let alone a bathing suit!). With all the dangers associated with tanning beds, I decided to try a spray tan. If you’ve never gotten a spray tan, live vicariously through me and then decide!
Step One: Call to schedule an appointment. Decide when to go based on when the store is least busy (as if everyone doesn’t know the brown color is fake).
Step Two: The “Tanning Technician” tells me to exfoliate and not use any lotion or make-up.
Step Three: Decide to shower right before the appointment. Exfoliate.
Step Four: Get out of the bathtub.
Step Five: Realize you have big HAIR (down and around places that will be spray tan) and get back in the tub.
Step Six: Shave places you can’t see. Be impressed by my ability to stretch and bend like a pretzel. Wondering if there is enough hair to donate to “Locks of Love”.
Step Seven: Wondering if what my two-year-old daughter just witnessed will scar her for life.
Step Eight: Go sans lotion or make-up to the tanning bed (resist the urge to scratch instant shave burn and feel a new “hairless backside.”
Step Nine: Act like I’m not uncomfortable when I strip down to my thong panties. Feel comfortable with the decision to shave (places down there).
Step Ten: Put on stupid shower cap.
Step Eleven: Don’t try to make eye contact with the “spray tan lady” as the very act of spraying another nude is awkward enough.
Step Twelve: Clap silently inside as she doesn’t ask me to “bend over” to spray an actual ass-crack (the white crack tan line doesn’t bother me!).
Step Thirteen: Wonder if the “Tanning Technician” thinks the stretch marks and veins on my backside are a real card.
Step Fourteen: Pretend you don’t notice she’s going to walk over your butt cheeks approx. 5 times (whereas every other area took once).
Step Fifteen: Pretend it’s not awkward as you liven up your legs to make sure there are no “bikini line” tan lines.
Step Sixteen: Let things dry. Get a table in the time it takes to dry and dance in the mirror with a bathing cap on after the tanned lady leaves the room.
Step Seventeen: Get out of the tanning bed and pretend that the tan girl and I are probably married in some countries (given the things she’s seen!)
Step Eighteen: Replace all the tanning solutions back on the shelves that my two-year-old took down.
Step Nineteen: Remove “palm tree” tan stickers from my daughter’s hair (and other body parts).
Step Twenty: Look in the mirror and think again: “Yes, even fat looks better tanned!”
Step Twenty-One: Look great with a spray tan without the risk of the sun!
Step 22: Tell everyone what experience I had and definitely encourage them to go through the same things I had to!
Video about Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts
You can see more content about Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts on our youtube channel: Click Here
Question about Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts
If you have any questions about Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts, please let us know, all your questions or suggestions will help us improve in the following articles!
The article Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts was compiled by me and my team from many sources. If you find the article Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts helpful to you, please support the team Like or Share!
Rate Articles Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts
Rate: 4-5 stars
Ratings: 2736
Views: 89421443
Search keywords Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts
Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts
way Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts
tutorial Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts
Call Me Old Fashioned But I Think Your Shorts free
#Spray #Tanning #Interesting #Intimate #Experience
Source: https://ezinearticles.com/?Spray-Tanning:-An-Interesting-and-Intimate-Experience!&id=188813